Post Pre Season Early Year 2015 Mid Season POTY Speculative Watch List

It’s that time of the year again folks! Time to talk about the players we here at floppy disc have our eyes, ears, and noses on. Before we get to the good stuff, you may notice that this list includes both genders. That’s because, for the first time in the history of forever and ever, Floppy Disc will be giving out one POTY award for all of Ultimate. That’s right ladies and gents. A Uni-POTY. The revolution is here.

Let’s get to it.

Catherine Zeta Jones – Oregon

Possibly the most athletic handler in the Men’s division, Ms. Zeta Jones can dip beneath the lasers and beat you with a high release backhand. She’s obviously the early season favorite, considering she’s the only one on this list who’s even close to the magical powers of “dribbling.”

Meathead Rob Lowe – UCF

Boy did this guy have an offseason. A whole summer of looking at pictures of himself and grunting while playing with Florida United has made him a force on the field. His athleticism is unmatched by even studs like Paranoid Rob Lowe and Far Less Attractive Rob Lowe. But who are we kidding. Even far less attractive Rob Lowe still makes Jimmy Mickle look Beavis from “Beavis and Butthead.”

Gandalf the White – Pittsburgh

You got it. Even this member of the “Istari” makes our list. It’s not so much how he left, but it’s how he came back. The “Maiar” chose to bring him back, until his task will be completed. The mighty Balrog of UNC-Wilmington seemingly ended this heros journey, but it has only just begun.

“A Marcus is never late, he arrives precisely when he means to.” – Gandalf The Grey

Hermione Granger in the Goblet of Fire – UNC

Every male between the ages of 18 and 22 remembers the first time he was sexually aroused. Exactly. It was when Hermione Granger walked down the stairs before the Champions ball in her puffy pink dress. That’s how we all feel when we watch this handler from UNC go to work. She’s nimble, quick, and knows how to pronounce all the spells. No doubt the new professor of the dark arts, Mike Denardis, will coach this one into a powerful muggle born.

Katniss Everdeen – UCSB

Readers and readettes, the “girl on fire” is now a burning skirt. “Katny E’s,” as she’s now affectionately referred, rise to fame was due mainly to her participation in the Hunger Games this past October in Frisco, TX. She can dominate the field with deadly accuracy, but where she’ll really win is the unreal amount of competitive energy. She’s got the throws, she’s got the bids, she’s got the looks. Just be sure not to kill her little black friend or you will surely be murdered. Ruthlessly murdered.

The Blue Monstar from Space Jam – UMASS

This guy is just huge. Here’s what probably happened. He found some sort of magical disc that Danny Devito gave him and threw with George Stubbs. He then grew to a massive 11 foot 9 and began to wreck everyone who has played any sport in the history of the world. The only way to beat this guy is to recruit a rag-tag bunch of fictional cartoon characters. Then, and only then, you might have a chance.

Bonus Floppy Tip: Don’t skip on Lola Bunny. She’s got skills.

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Honorable mention for COTY:

Mark Whalberg from “The Gambler”- Florida

This man really knows the game. You got to play to win, and he’s been playing for a while. To be fair, I didn’t see his latest theatric performance, but if it’s anything like his on-field prowess, then watch out. No, but actually watch out. Go check out some RSD stuff and you’ll believe me.

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So there’s our list. Feel free to post your nominations in the comments below. However, we’re going to try and be an actual award and not just take a YouTube video as substitute for talent. But still, we like hearing from you.

 

Love always,

FD

6 Ways to Avoid Being the Dumb Freshman on Your College Team

That’s you. Throwing it. Nice throw.

It’s that time of the year again, the time of year where the freshman you once thought could be so pivotal in the spring have failed to make it to practice because their intramural Qudditch team is “getting serious.” And now they’re left with you. Yes, you there. Sitting in your cargo shorts, with your red and nightglow Ultrastars hanging on the wall. You are the future of the program. So listen up idiot. Here’s how to avoid being an idiot all the time.

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1. Wear Gloves

Anyone who’s anyone wears gloves. Can’t throw a flick yet? How about investing in some Nike Receiver mitts! Just be sure to come to practice and tell your captains how sticky your hands are now, and that those end zone doinks in the fall are a thing of the past.

2. Wear Tennis Shoes instead of Cleats

Everyone wears cleats, and you (the future of the program) are going to need an edge. Ever had someone juke you out in cleats? With Tennis Shoes, you’ll be able to slide on the April grass, making you more agile and Catwoman-like. Remember: look good, play good.

3. Bring Your Wham-O’s

University Club programs are always running short on discs, and they’ll need your help. When your captain announces: “Everybody get a partner and throw,” just grab that Target bargain bin steal out of your beg.

Shopper’s Tip: The Disc with the three players going up for the disc is the best one.

Bonus Shopper’s Tip: The more Glow in the Dark, the better.

4. Bring Hot and Spicy Pickles for Tournament Snacks

Pickles have been a staple of the Ultimate community for quite some time, and nothing refreshes your team’s seniors quite like Kosher Hot ‘n Spicy Dills. And if there’s one thing Ultimate players love, it’s surprises. So go ahead and peel off that label on the jar. Or better yet, mix it in with those bland and boring Vlasic’s the team mom brought!

5. Stand Up to Your Coaches and Captains Drinking

After a long tournament saturday, your captains may want to unwind with a 20 oz margarita at whatever 2.5 star Mexican Restaurant is in MiddleofFarmville, West Hampshire. Win over your superiors, by publicly maiming them for putting the team behind their alcoholism. As you know, beer is yucky. And yucky doesn’t win championships (and this is the year).

Floppy Tip: The more you shame your captains for their fairly standard tournament routines, the more respect you’ll earn.

6. Make a Trick Shot Video

“Throw outside of practice!”

You’ve heard that too much by now, it’s time you show everyone how hard you’re working! Anyone can throw an around backhand, but that scoober you’re going to throw into the Rec Centers basketball hoop could be worth 12, or maybe even 13 youtube hits. This one’s extra important, so let’s break down the steps.

• Step 1: No tripods. The more stable your video is, the more fake it will seem. Find the teammate willing to help out (maybe a captain or coach), and have him film you with his Samsung Galaxy 3.
• Step 2: Edit, edit, edit. No trick shot video is complete without that slo-mo replay of you throwing over that statue on campus. Add some music while you’re at it, preferably Centuries by Fall out Boy or Turn Down for What by DJ Snake.
• Step 3: Tweet it at Brodie Smith! This may be the most important step. The validation you can get from the sponsor of the new Hyundai Alantra is bound to get you that desired starting time.
• Step 4: Reap the rewards! While your teammates have been running and throwing, you’ve been learning an actual real-life skill. Self-promotion.

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So there’s your tips Mr. Cargo Shorts. You got this. It’s all on you now. Go out there and earn it!

Sincerely,

FD